i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
