i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
