There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
