Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
