You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
