Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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