I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
