i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
