I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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