I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
