4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
