goodnight i made you a song goodbye
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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