the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
