Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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