Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
