Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
