i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
