I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
