Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
