I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
