OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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