Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
