got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
