Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
