i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
