but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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