If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
