Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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