OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
