so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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