and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
