If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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