Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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