You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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