Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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