honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
