I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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