She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
