I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
