This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
