you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
