You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
