my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
