Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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