talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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