it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
