They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your penis caused this!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
