How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
