Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
