so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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