i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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