wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
