When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
