Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
